[ everything behind me seems so insignificant / lost in my confusion ]
- Kim Anderson's Works
- Beautiful Pictures
- Memorable Quotes
- Precious Moments
- OM
[ there are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. and when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand. - "someone like you"]
invisible ink
"a guy's feelings is like invisible ink. sometimes, they just need heat for it to show."
just heard that on tv just now. in that 8pm show on channel u with that cute tan guy. haha. the sister was telling the lead actress just that. the story goes like this: guy likes girl, guy is too coward to tell her what he feels even though he has plenty of chances. girl is fed up. decides to apply for the exchange programme in bali to supply the "heat" (as suggested by her sister) he, however, still does not manage to tell her. until one day, he decides to tell her once and for her. but she lost faith in him, and decided not to turn up for the meeting. he stands in the freezing cold rain waiting for her. her heart softened when she saw him shivering on the news. rushed there to find him. realised he was being sent to the hospital. he finally tells her how he feel. happy ever after.
so drama right? but that's what makes hk serials so nice. haha. saw the series before so i know what's the ending. guy is with the girl. as always.
must go find out the actor's name. he's in the 9pm show too. saw that one before too. hee. nice show. but has more twists. resident bitch in the show if you like bitchiness. i think in the end the guy was with the girl he likes. cant really remember. but should be right since all hk serials end the same.
=)
*-no one can escape destiny. yet you cant go searching for it. it comes to you.-*
JoC was confused at 8:28 PM
sLeePzzZZZzzzz
yawnz. i feel like such a pig again. the thought that has the most proportion in my brain now is "sleep". i can never get enough of it. can sleep for the whole afternoon and still feel damn tired during the night. like yesterday. slept for 2 hours in the afternoon, but by 10pm, i was already dozing off. eyes tightly shut by 10.30pm. didnt even bother to pack my bag. was too tired. didnt even finish studying for physics and maths tests.
anyway, sy told me that mr s refused to let us off of cca. sy said he used our reports to threaten us. (cuz he's writing them now, so if he's uphappy with us... you get the idea.) was so pissed off when i heard it. all the other freaking cca already stopped, and we still have to go bacK? so crap. and to actually use our reports against us. that's the most pissy thing. so ly n i went to find him after the long maths timed-trial. as usual, could see he didnt really wanna bother with us. cuz he kept moving away to talk to other people when the matter's not settled. in the end, as usual also, he said he would ask the other teachers and e-mail us or ask sy to e-mail us the decision. personally i won't mind going for the open-house but i know the other sec 4 don't wanna go, so had to ask. and anyway, that 1 week that he wants us to go, friday would be taken up by maths test and so leaving only tue. we wouldn't actually be much help will we? the most important things would be done on friday itself. and didnt we manage well without the sec 4 last year? last few times i went for cca, i literally rot there. there's only so much you can surf in school.
could see sy is very stressed up. j is busy with her competition, cy is hardly at cca, so all the duties fall on sy. there's no one to help her. was thinking maybe i could help her during open-house. ly was thinking of buying her something to encourage her. umm. sweets? chocs? see first. after sy leaves in the middle of next year, i wonder what will happen. there don't seem to be anyone else who seems capable of running the club. and i'm not afraid to say that sy is a much better pres than me, cuz she is. if only she's not under contradicting teachers, she would do so much better. sighz. if only is how it will stay.
so many if onlys. but no way to turn back time to make the if onlys come true.
sighz. if only...
(.")
JoC was confused at 6:55 PM
Birth and abortion
babies are so cute. but the process of giving birth to it isn't. saw the video of someone giving birth and someone having an abortion. the abortion one wasn't that visual, it's mostly of an ultrascan screen where the guy explained what's going on. the giving birth one, is the very visual one. makes me wonder if they show such things in a mixed school. haha. can you imagine how weird the pupils will feel?
anyway, i was so horrified by the process of giving birth! i couldn't help aAAHHH-ing (in the bad way) throughout the video. it was so scary. tha pain of the mother. especially the part where the doctor turned the baby to the side, i thought its neck was going to break. then the doctor used this pump to remove mucus from the nose and mouth, but he's so rough in doing it. the removal of the placenta. and also mrs t said the doctor would cut 45degree upwards to make sure the baby can come out. and there's the contractions, the pushing. that's painful. imagining it already makes me shiver. i really think mums are great man. they actually bear so much pain to give birth to us.
i still think it's not fair that guys do not need to go through all these. why can't god make it so that both male and female can give birth to childern? then they can take turn and guys would finally know how difficult it is to give birth to a baby.
oh, and the abortion was HORRIBLE! they actually suck the fetus out! in systematic order somemore. the machine tears the fetus apart. and suck it out. most cruel is the crashing of the skull and sucking it out. can you imagine someone smashing your brain??? and you didnt even have a chance to see the world??? and you can actually see the fetus's mouth open in a silent scream in the ultrascan. and the fetus was trying to move away from the stuff they put in to kill it. it was actually STRUGGING to get away. it's really sad to see. maybe they should show this to all teenagers. make them see what cruel thing they would be doing if they have unprotected sex and get pregnent in the process. if you can't sustain from sex, at least have protected sex. the fetus's life is just as precious as any of ours. it does not deserve to die just because of your irresponsibility. killing a fetus is not a crime but killing a child or an adult is. why? isn't all of them a human life???
sorry. but watching the video really makes me feel so sad for the poor unborn baby. to think millions of such babies are killed each year. ask me about this topic some other time, maybe then i won't feel so strongly about it. right now, the image of the baby stuggling in the mother's womb is stuck in my mind.
the silent cry. has it even learnt how to let tears flow before it was butually killed?
=(
JoC was confused at 7:08 PM
drowning in my thoughts
mind's clogged up. unable to concentrate. tried to filter thoughts out but was unsuccessful. the thoughts stayed, clouding my mind. draining me mentally and physically.
feeling so tired. wanted to sleep but couldn't resist coming online to blog. and after this i have to go study for two tests. but tell me how to when i cant even concentrate??? but still have to try. sighz. it was torture studying for geography yesterday cuz i either just felt like sleeping or that i couldnt clear my mind for the facts of geog to enter. unrelated thoughts just floated in my mind. i tried to stop thinking those thoughts, but i couldn't. thoughts just ain't something we can control.
if there's a brain-washing equipment, i think i would like to try it now. at the same time, insert new thoughts like, "must study! must study! go go go!" haha. shu was just reminding that it's 31 days to prelims on the bus. but somehow i dont feel panicky. have i stopped caring about studies? that cant be it, cuz i'm still studying for tests. then why? must be the lazy bug in me. and shu still said i was dilligent. haha. she got a shock when i said i planned to go out during the sep hols. i must go find someone who's willing to go out first... which i doubt i will find. not everyone's like me. hee.
delaying time here. i dont wanna study. but i have too. i feel like i'm forced into a life-time commitment. (it's not actually a lifetime commitment but it sure feels like it.) like a planned marriage, only i'm "marrying" my books instead of a person. and i'm running from it, trying to leave the books at the alter, but i dont succeed cuz i know it would probably be the end of my bright future if i do. picturing a crying young bride in my mind now. haha. i'm going crazy.
right. time to go study. no distrations.
ya right.
=|
*-it's cruel to give someone hope and take it away from him. it's like taking sweets away from a little child. only worse. please don't ever take my hopes away from me.-*
JoC was confused at 4:54 PM
brain waves
ms o said that sometimes, you might be thinking of a song, and suddenly the person next to you starts humming it. ever experienced it? she said it's because our brain-wave somehow get transmitted to the next person. or something like that. can't really remember. (if there's one thing you should know, it's that i have got damn bad memory when it comes to school.)
she also said if you concentrate hard enough and stared at a person's back, the person can feel it. i guess that's quite true. people always write about feeling someone's eyes on their back, that must be it. such thoughts could be transmitted. but i know there's one thing that can't be transmitted by brain waves. inner feelings. no matter how hard you concentrate, trying to let the person know what you feel, you will never succeed. feelings just isn't part of the brain waves maybe.
*shurgs*
=O
JoC was confused at 4:38 PM
once again.
it's time to pretend nothing happened again. this is becoming a usual practice. hey, what do you expect me to do otherwise? it's the best way. yep. i'm good at pretending. maybe i'll win the next star search. i just need to learn how to dance now. haha.
(.")
JoC was confused at 10:02 PM
law suits
some people are just ridiculous. how can they go sue a company for health damage when they are the one who willing go take those food??? obese people going to sue macs cuz reports claim macs food are addictive. crazy. is they willingly go buy the food and eat. no one put a gun on their head and force them to eat. even if there is, the person holding the gun is to be blamed, not the company. smoking is addictive too, but people can manage to quit it. i don't see why you can't stop yourself from eating macs. been eating so many years and i'm not addicted. i think they are just trying to put the blame on someone else and claim money at the same time. if they win the case, there will be no more macs. just take a look at the amount they are sueing for. really madness.
:S
JoC was confused at 9:59 PM
stop it
please ask your friends to stop playing such jokes... it's really not funny at all...
it's really not funny. was in a sleepy state when i was awakened by the message that invoked so many feelings that i don't even am sure what they are. thanks for waking me up guys. the message above is my message for all of you.
i hate mind games. i never figure out how the games work out. so please just stop it. it's one thing to play a ha-ha joke and another to play a cruel joke. if it's not a joke, why izzit that his friends are the one to send it? i don't wanna hear it from them. even if it's their good intentions, i don't.
tell me when it's real and when it's a joke. cuz i'm really finding it hard to tell the difference.
=|
*-don't ask me about it. i really don't wanna talk about it.-*
JoC was confused at 9:48 PM
41 cluny park street
that's my new address! nah. just kidding. but who knows? maybe one day i will own it. haha. shall tell you why i consider it my house.
ok. so today, me and pau went for the njc funfair. but we left like just after 20-30 minutes upon reaching there cuz nothing much really caught our attention. went macs at serene centre to do homework. ok. didn't manage to do much either. pau finished her maths. me, i did only a few compre questions before i got sick of it. so decided to walk around. wanted to show pau the martial arts school that robin leong opened. but we discovered much more.
after 4 years, i realised that singapore botanic gardens is just nearby. i couldn't believe it when i saw that the signboard had the words "singapore botanic gardens". but it's confirmed cuz even the map said so. didnt know it was so big. it actually stretched all the way to bukit timah! amazing. saw black swans for the first time in my life. there's this swan and duck who are good friends. saw a cute little boy who was feeding the swans and scolding them at the same time. nice place. it would be nicer if there were lesser people.
after walking in the BG for a while, we decided to walk out. saw this house that looked nice from afar, so we walked towards it to take a look. it's like WOW! it's so big and it has a greek theme. the carving, the pillers, the balcony. walked one round around the house. there's a tennis court and a pool. so big right! it's 4 cluny park. it belongs to pau now. i have yet to find my house. walked further in the street, saw another house that's big and white. not very nice though. and then we went to the other street: cluny park street. that's where i found my house.
house-viewed that street. liked two houses but in the end i chose the one with only one storey. both looked quite alike but chose the smaller one. easier to keep clean and it just looked nicer to me. haha. it has a very zen feel to it. it's one storey tall, glass windows, steps to the front door,ornaments on the steps and trees. very peaceful looking. nice! that's why it's my house now. haha. i must work hard if i ever wanna own such a house. but it's really wonderful. never knew viewing houses from the outside can be fun.
pau had to go after that. i still have plenty of time to spend before i was supposed to go to school to catch the festival of arts concert. so went to explore the other streets near coronation plaza. it's a nice feeling walking alone along rows of houses while listening to disc-man. it gives you a peaceful feeling, like it's slowing down your life. it's also a good time to think though i didn't really think much. other that thinking if those houses as nice as MY house, my mind was blank. it's not everyday you can clear your mind like that. anyway, i just keep walking, turning into this street and that. even saw NYPS. looked a little like my school. but my school's clocktower looks much better. theirs the clock look like it's just pasted on. but the school is big. not bad. thought i wouldn't find my way out cuz i didnt even know where i was going. but guess what, the saying that all roads in singapore are linked is so true. got out without much trouble. saw LY when i walked out from one of the streets. told her i was walking for fun and she said, "walked till sweat so much also happy..." haha. but it's fun walking what. can excercise at the same time. kill two birds with one stone. turned into another street then. after finishing exploring a few streets and concluded that MY house was still the best, i went to coro to slack the rest of the time.
i've decided. next time i will go explore the streets of holland village. there got alot of americans stay so houses should be very nice. i always imagined living in sweet valley when young after reading the sweet valley series. haha. the houses there should reflect the same style right? umm. must really check it out one day. oh ya! the french ambassador's house is so huge! really really very big can! singapore got limited land space and he still go take so much of the space to build his house. hrump! his land space can easily allow at least two blocks of flats to be built with spaces in between. it's that huge. and i also realise the embassy of france is also nearby. go there so many things before i discover so many things. shall go backpacking in singapore next time since i cant go backpacking in other countries. haha. can look at more houses and own more of them. and can train for future backpacking trip.
the concert was not bad. a little too long though. it ended at 10.45 like that. made me miss a hugh part of my show! only caught last half-hour of it. btw, watch Loving U on channel u every saturday at 11.25pm! it's nice and the lead actor's so style. haha. but i cant stand one of the character in the show. she always act as the bitch who schemes against her friend just cuz she's jealous everyone likes her friend, even the guy she likes.
my house rocks! hee.
=D
JoC was confused at 1:37 AM
alex and emma
met pau, sam, ky and hl after school yesterday. hl wanted to eat pastamania, pau and i wanted to watch alex and emma. but he got his pasta, and i got my movie. hee. the show was not bad, funny at many parts. and we didnt enter the cinema late this time. we were actually early. haha. for once.
and sam actually forgot the time and place we were supposed to meet at. he happily slept till 3.45pm before asking me where and what time we were supposed to meet. and ky was so smart can. went to the station to wait cuz got air-con. he say it's the same since he can see from inside the station. but then i stood there so long and he didnt see me. and he said going underpass will arrive at ps quicker. in the end, it took more than twice the time. at one point, we came back to where we started before we finally found the correct way.
then when we were eating at pastamania, ky took out his maths paper to show us. it was so funny! not the paper itself, but the words written on it. there's this question which ky didnt know the answer, so he just put "how i know?". guess what? his teacher actually gave him the mark. wow. the teacher must really like him man. haha. like that also can get right. bet if i try it, mrs c will write there "see me.". no sense of humour for some teachers.
went to times bookstore. saw this karma sutra book which illustrated the process. pau flipped it open and immediately close it. haha. she said it was drawings of oral sex. i'm suprised the government actually allow such book to be sold. it must be the most ponography thingy that can be found in bookstores.
update on the bachelor: guy already eliminate some girls but claims he already know who won. he made the decision without going out with any of them. and the possible winner is chosen cuz it's the only girl whom he knows in the game. so not interesting. viewership sure very low. no wonder not shown on tv. haha.
update on the search: jy won the tan kah kee inventor's award! umm... not bad ah! i think even though my class is not as smart as hl's, we also have other achievements. got at least 3 cca leaders, one inventor, 2 gepers etc... not bad you know! shu, once again, don't burst my bubble even if you feel like doing so. thanks. haha.
forgot what i really wanted to write about yesterday already. that's the bad thing about my bro being home, i can't use the computer to update my blog, and the next day, i would forget about what i was going to write. sharks. anyway i got back my linkin park cd and headphone liaoz. so now i got two linkin park cd cuz ky burnt one for me. he forgot i already got it. sam asked me and pau not to treat him like a cd burning factory. haha. but we were just kidding. i'm sure he knows it.
again, i shall say both sam and ky are so cute! in the funny kind of way. jy and vin is the other funny pair. haha. the way they talk to each other really can make me laugh on the rare occasion i see them.
=)
JoC was confused at 12:56 AM
