[ everything behind me seems so insignificant / lost in my confusion ]
- Kim Anderson's Works
- Beautiful Pictures
- Memorable Quotes
- Precious Moments
- OM
[ there are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. and when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand. - "someone like you"]
to the doctor
finally went to see the doctor after putting it off for 2 weeks. got an mc for monday. maybe i should skip school. hmm. but i wanna go for touch rugby.
was feeling damn tired and "wobbly" after eating the 4 different types of mecidine but still went to orchard for a while just to meet gil to pass her the paper and t-shirt needed for tiff's farewell gift. feel quite bad though cuz i'm not at lyn's house now helping out with the presents. didnt feel like talking much so i felt like i was ignoring the people around. so sorry. anyway, i had wanted to go somewhere to slack the day away after meeting gil. was deciding between coffeebean at taka, coffeebean at tb or coffeebean at harbourfront. but in the end i went home to sleep. was too tired and also because it felt weird to go somwhere alone. i'm too dependent on other's company. this is not good.
i basically went through the day like i'm was detached from my body. maybe it was the medicine taking effect over me.
i feel like i'm back to being secondary one. cuz the same feelings are back.
la sensación de ser perdido siendo justo una cara en la muchedumbre sin el propósito de la sensación de existance. retirado del mundo que se siente básicamente como el crap.
only this time it's a little different. cuz i'm less independent than when i was younger. what an ironic statement.
deseo estar solo pero apenas biselo la manija él.
=|
JoC was confused at 11:10 PM
sailing try-out
hmmm... today was sailing selection. it was tough. at least for me. but it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. there wasnt a 2.4 km run! yea! but the selection was just as tough anyway. there was lots of testing of arm strength. pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, dipping, and the lean against the wall and squat down thingy. that was my worst item. cuz while others did for like half an hour, i did for like just 3 minutes... and the other items werent that good either. so i guess i have no hope to get into sailing after all. well, at least i tried my best. yep.
think i'll go for touch-rugby practice on monday. do you think i can? hmm.. cuz i didnt go for today's orientation. shuz, did they take attentance or something???
oh oh. there's a sailing senior who's quite cute. but he's short. haha. wc was even taller than him. i compared. and i saw mgp. he was at some orientation too. he had flour in his hair. [...this information is for the benefit of someone...]
guess what? the three hottest (or izzit cutest? cant really remember what jh said) guys in council are wk, wp and cal. i agree. hee. and that the coolest council come from izans. that hmm... dont really agree.. haha...
i think wc must really think we are super boy-crazy. lol.
muscles ache tomorrow. ouch.
=S
JoC was confused at 10:09 PM
cca selection and student centre
yesterday was cca selection day. signed up for mentoring, sailing and touch rugby. cant really decide between touch and sailing. but i must by tomorrow afternoon. cuz the selection dates and time for both is the same. it's tomorrow evening. so shit. and both seem damn hard to get into. cuz so many people, but so little spots. think i will choose sailing. it seems more fun. but what if i dont get selected??? then i will only be left with mentoring! i want something challenging. something i havent done before. crap. why did i choose cc in secondary school? if i had a sports cca, things would be so much simplier.
anyway, i think my mood swings would get me into trouble one day. haha. i can be damn low one moment and damn high the next. and when i'm low, i'm more anti-social than usual. when i'm high, i'll make lots and noise and talk to people i usually ignore and do crazy things. then the next day i'll ignore them again. people would think i'm damn weird and mad. haha. was very high yesterday afternoon and today afternoon too. made quite alot of noise in the student centre today. haha. cuz i was slacking in the sc with my friends. hmmm. saw so many people there. interesting people. hee.
oh anyway, mgp was in the sc too. then i couldnt help making fun of a certain friend who's interested in him. then cuz that certain friend pointed him out right, so now i'll notice him around. and each time i see him, i cant help laughing, cuz i will be thinking about making fun of this certain friend. and cuz we all know about mgp, we will always look out for him. so many people look at him, he of cuz will notice right? haha.... oh man, just hope he doesnt think i like him. but it's really damn funny when he's there and she's there. hee.
was high today as i said before. so besides teasing her about him, i went to disturb ws too. haha. called him by his english name and he turned. but when i called him by his chinese name, he didnt answer. he claimed he didnt hear us. but i was already buzy laughing. so when he left, i couldnt resist disturbing him again. haha.
hmmm... and i came up with the conclusion that sa councilors are mostly rather good-looking people. and even if they are not good-looking, they make up for it with their funny personality. but actually, most of the councilors are damn funny and nice. hmm. if only i wasnt afraid of standing in front of a crowd. i would try for council.
oh shit. i must try to find a solution. i cant fall. not into this hole at least.
shall go take a nap. please pray that i get into sailing.
=)
JoC was confused at 4:02 PM
dying? you wish.
jaz joked that i was dying when i coughed, and that i smoked. yes i smoke and i'm an alcoholic too. so now i have lung cancer and coughing my guts out. haha. just kidding. the only smoke i have come the closest to is second hand smoke. and i do try to avoid that as much as possible. it stinks.
today more people crashed! jaz and cj crashed again. jas nee crashed too. and i think they are having lots of fun. perhaps it comes from the excitment of crashing? hmmm... cuz jaz sure loves the school more than i do, though he's only there for two days.
to a certain friend: two ships are just as appealing. but you can only board one for the trip. would you rather choose a beautifully crafted ship with lousy marine technology or a rather average looking ship with high-tech marine technology? which would get you safer across the ocean? hmmm. am i even making sense? nvm.
haiz. i miss ny. there i said it. the one sentence i never thought i would say. but here i am, announcing that fact. i miss the familar surroundings. the familar faces. the familar similar uniforms. the familar teachers. the friends.
cca selection tomorrow. which should i choose? i heard touch rugby is very popular with the people and there's gonna be a selection. and what do you do in selections? you run. yes. and i cant run. not as fast as they like me anyway. so should i even bother? what about sailing? it sounds fun. argh. if the points dont matter, i would rather join nothing. then i wont need to make a choice.
weird. jl and those people she hangs out with are all of different ogs and classes. but they are so close. just commenting.
lectures are boring. i almost fell asleep.
oh yes. i actually volunteered to be the treasurer. dont know what got into me. i must have been in one of my crazy mood.
cant wait for the weekend to come. hmmm. going to sentosa with my og this friday. most probably going this time. see if wc and d are going or not first. later i'm the extra one.
my entries are getting boring. i am getting boring. yawnz.
=|
JoC was confused at 4:40 PM
dear friends
i'm glad i got great friends to be there for me, to get me through the tough times. they are so nice, i could just give them a hug each. if i was comfortable with hugging people that is. hmmm. nevermind. here's a virtual hug to all of them. *hugz*
=D
JoC was confused at 8:07 PM
sad love
hmmm... came across something sweet while surfing around, so this entry is sparked off by it...
"Love me faithfully. See how I am faithful With all my heart, and all my soul. I am with you though I am far away."
-Anon., Carmina Burana, "Omnia Sol Temperat"
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul."
-Judy Garland
"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go."
-Tennessee Williams
"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so."
-David Grayson
so many times you wished you had what others had. but when you have the chance to grab hold of it, your hand often slips. and there you stand, looking down at what could have been yours. Or you could be standing on the opposite shore, looking with envy at one of life's greatest thing. Then you look back at your side of the shore. and all you see is emptiness.
=(
JoC was confused at 3:41 PM
crasher
jaz crashed sa today. he says the school is damn fun. haha. ok. maybe cuz he has lots of friends there. his cousin is there too. couldnt recognise him at first.
erm. jaz was like talking to a person, then i thought it was my classmate he was talking to, so i commented that to him. he asked me to wave cuz the person he was talking to was waving. but i was looking at the wrong person, so of cuz i didnt wave. and so was called dao again. haha. finally waved on the third time. his cousin is quite cute. better than in the photos. hee. -jaz, you better dont go tell him hor!-
today was okay i guess. during the first break i was like stoning with my classmates for a while, walked around school once with jaz before joining shu in her quest to find mr green pants. haha. we found him more than once. i still think he looks a little like jay chou. later i bumped into wc, vero and d. found out that actually they didnt go for the og gathering too. and it's mainly because they dont wanna go. so i'm not the only one. haha. And D is joining my class tomorrow! yay! finally someone i know. actually i think my class is nice. so far the people who asked me for my name seem friendly. and i think my class rep is very responsible.
lessons were boring. actual lessons havent really started but the explaining of the subjects gets boring after a while. oh. maths started already. sets and notation.
a long break tomorrow. hmm. reading room? it seems nice. shu was really nice when i told her about the reading room, "huh? dont want lahz! i pao qi my friends and join you.." haha. and jaz was like, "dont go there lahz. go mix around with your class." but seriously, the room is air-conditioned, quiet and relatively empty, so what's so bad about it?
even after finishing this entry, the time is still earlier than secondary school dismissal time. but i guess it's only for this week.
touch-rugby or sailing??? i better decide soon.
=|
JoC was confused at 1:50 PM
cough cough
didnt meet the omers today afterall. spent the day at home sleeping. haha. the medicine really makes one drowsy. drifted in and out of sleep. but at least i had a peaceful sleep. though the more i slept, the more tired i got. i'm such a pig. hee.
asked my bro today the school so small, got nowhere to go izzit? he said he used to stay at the reading room 24/7. hmmm. i can hide there next time. shhh. dont tell anyone. hee. let's just hope it's not crowded.
haiz. i dont wanna sleep now. cuz the next time i open my eyes, it will be morning. and i will have to face school.
=(
JoC was confused at 11:19 PM
went mad
met pau for lunch today. i decided to go to the swenson's at the airport. i think pau was shocked when i asked if she wanted to go to the airport. haha. i dont know. i just felt like going there. it's a nice place to be at. and it's not overly crowded. i dont wanna deal with crowds just yet.
we talked and i realised we both are not enjoying life right now. we both dread sunday to come. cuz it would mean school's the next day. pau said she finally get what i mean when i say i have nothing to talk about to someone. it's nice to have someone to talk to and complain to. and pau, hope you are feeling better. =)
after the airport, we went orchard to do a little shopping. after stepping into a shop selling super expensive shops, we both gone mad and decided to step into all the "high-class" shops around, and pretend to be high-class people. even though we were so not dressed for them. ok. pau was dressed for it. not me though. i was in tee and jeans. haha. there's still some shops we havent been into. we'll be back, when we are better dressed. haha. pau said we both under too much pressure already till we have gone mad. oh well, at least we had fun right? hee.
og gathering tomorrow. i'm not going again. cuz firstly, i'm meeting the omers tomorrow to discuss tiff's farewell party. and secondly, i dont wanna go there, stand silently at a side and have that 'dao' face while the others have fun laughing and talking.
really hope jaz comes on monday.
=S
JoC was confused at 12:01 PM
lessons begin
first day of actual lessons. i knew i wouldnt like it. i was right. it was not the lessons i hate. but the breaks in between. cuz it's during those times that i have nowhere to hide (yes, the word is hide) and no one to go to. the school is so small, every corner there is someone. there's so many people, yet not one i can go to.
my luck is really bad. first, i get an og which i know no one, then i get a class which i know no one, when others get og with people they already know and classes with their friends. so many people i know is in my combination, but no one gets into my class. wonder if it's because i forgot to pray to god. haiz.
yes yes. i know. shu is in the next class. i still see her in the morning and i'm thankful for her being there. but, i cant always stick to her. she has her own friends. -i rather go find somewhere to hide than be like AN.- like on friday, i met shu for break. she met her friends too. they were all talking, and there i was at the corner of the table, feeling so extra. had nothing else to do but message. -thank goodness i still can use the phone in school- then somehow, i felt like crying. tears almost fell, but luckily no one noticed. i dont know why i felt like crying. probably cuz i felt like i didnt belong there. it was almost like the way i felt in sec 1. feeling lost.
except there's no classroom i could retreat to this time. and groups are already formed all around. and even those whom you would think is quiet or wasnt popular in school before, have a set of friends to go to. where do i fit in?
maybe i should just take the suggestion i gave to jaz. go hide in the toilet. the toilet better be clean. i have lots of breaks next week.
=(
JoC was confused at 11:48 AM
SAINTESTRALIS
today was the end of orientation. lessons start tomorrow. how saddening. got into the combination i want. but not the class i want. cuz no one i know is in my class. and you know how hard it is for me to make friends. somemore i only see my class once a week. erm. ya. plan to go econs lecture with weishan tomorrow. then i wanna go lecture with ws and shu too! hope econs' fun.
now let's mention about today. today was fun towards the end. the morning was quite fun too. did different dances. chicky dance is so funny! haha. and i had nice partners today! ok lahz. didnt even talk to them. but at least the second guy smiles when he dance. haha. but the afternoon was damn boring. other groups were preparing for the finale but my group got nothing to do. spent the time drawing on our hands, talking, checking our time-table, writing on cards (everyone has a card and everyone must write something in other people's card. hmm. havent read mine yet. but i saw one sentence. "before i talked to you, i thought you were proud.....". on my, what if everyone thought the same? oh whatever already. cant change that. haven read the card cuz i know mostly what's wrote is fake. like what i wrote for others. haha.)
night started off great! had performances by the councilors (dance! damn nice!), dance society (damn cool and hot -->the girls), some band. then watched this video that's damn funny, cuz the councilors acted in part of it. then we moved to the gallery. presentation of different groups, then cheers, then dance, and repeated performance by the councilors and new performances from them. they rock!!! i think sa councilors are really talented! they like know everything: dancing, cheering, playing instruments, break-dancing, lightstick dance etc... i'm amazed...
and i wished i had a special camera or photogenic memory to remember the sky i saw. it was truly beautiful. the full moon bright and clear in the sky. stars filled the sky. even saw the three stars in a line. what's that called? when they off the lights, it was even nicer!
cheered even though i was like coughing so hard. now i'm coughing non-stop. danced to the music too. so fun!
my space didnt win the best space award, but at least we did out best! and we did win something at least.
not looking forward to tomorrow. back to learning and studying. and back to making new friends again. haiz. having almost all lessons in auditorium or lt3. hmm.
=)
JoC was confused at 11:46 AM
fourth day
finally got wet and dirty today!!! yay! haha. i must be sick. but as people say, the wetter and dirtier the games, the more fun they are. hee. and i also finally got to meet seng and ws again! my group was playing against them. i pulled seng's paper off his back twice. but i didnt do it on purpose! haha. damn funny. it feels so good to see people i have known for years. even seeing s tan. haha. now when we see each other, we would smile and wave. before, we daoed each other. what a change. haha. oh but may looked so dao, i didnt even dare to say hi.
was more enthu during games today. haha. even got carried by a guy. thought he wouldnt have the strength though. but i guess looks can deceive. haha.
oh oh. something i find amusing. people in my group who have never spoken to me, or to the few other people around me, actually passed their phones around and ask for our numbers. guess their phone book is too empty or they like a full phone book. haha.
hmm. more sociable to the girls today. cuz we had this free time and we had nothing to do. so we started talking a little. but still, someone had to say, "i'm bored. lets think of a topic to talk about." but still anti-social to the guys. only guy i had a short conversation with is the guy who has the same name as my bro. but he reminds me of jy. tall and blur. haha. he's really very blur.
tomorrow i'm gonna end late. around 10pm. hmm. think it would be fun. cuz there's no need for talking. not much anyway. it's more of cheering, games, and dance! i love mass dance, the individual ones that is. learnt two new one today. damn fun. loved the indian dance most. dance till i got quite high. haha.
=)
JoC was confused at 11:45 AM
third day
end of the third day of orientation. it's tiring. all the running here and there, playing games, cheering etc are energy sapping. tried not to cheer but gave up in the end. haha. so now my sore throat has so-called upgraded to a cough and a cold. wth.
2 more days till the end of orientation.
oh yes. mass dance today too. got pulled to pair with a tchs guy this time. damn. should have been thick-skin and ask S Tan instead. at least he doesnt dance like a piece of wood and he's enthu about it. i'm not being mean by saying this guy cant dance, cuz i cant dance well too. but it is that he dont make an effort. when people cheer and clap at the end of each segment, he doesnt do anything. and his actions like half-dead like that. but remembering someone saying, "fun is what you make of it", i managed to have fun on my own. haha. the dance is very cute. you should have seen the councilors doing the dance.
hmm. what else? oh yes. more cheers learnt. more games played. had this so called man-hunt thingy. but it was actually a contest to see who has the most armpit hair, but the contestants dont know that. haha. it was so funny when they were asked to pose.
hmm. oh yes. my ogl say usually the S group is the bitchiest group. but this year it's our group, the N group. cuz of our counter cheers. haha. me, be in the bitchy group. haha. oh oh, and i think the T group is very rowdy. today while cheering, there were guys carrying other guys on their shoulders. one carried guy even took off his shirt and waved it in the air. but ah, he got no muscles one. haha. then a few other people carried this cardboard with their group name and rushed on stage, though the emcee told them it was off limits. it was actually entertaining to see. haha.
and i realise og32 has quite a number of rather cute guys. though they are cute in different ways. haha.
shit. nose's blocked. ah.
=|
JoC was confused at 11:44 AM
