there's nothing worse than [ uncertainty ]

Friday, January 23, 2004

feeling lifeless

it's noisy and alive outside. but here i am in my room staying away from it all. i cant seem to get into the mood. they laugh. i wonder what's so funny. they ask why i'm so sianz. i shrug.

anti-socialness is taking over me. just when it's the time to be sociable.

i'm just hoping they wont come in to talk to me. i dont wanna talk.

i feel so out of place. funny thing is, they are all at my house.

=S

JoC was confused at 6:45 PM

just a thought

i rather have one guy that i love than to have many guys that love me.

but then again, this will never be a choice for me to make.

=|

JoC was confused at 6:45 PM

lunar new year

yesterday was not a good day. dreamt of seeing my dead uncle. (actually this isnt that bad. he used to like me the most. ) then woke up for a freaking cramp in my leg which is still here. felt pukish the moment i woke up. and had to go help my aunt at her shop. (ok. i earned my pay after that though. hee.) and then i developed a fever.

ok. at my aunt's house. i had nothing to do. basically all i did was sleep, watch tv and hear people talk. it's no different from watching a play. cuz i'm the audience. haha.

oh yes. talked to gr online just now. but i have a feeling he doesnt know who he was talking to. haha. so jaz, dont say i dao him. hee.

relatives coming over later. maybe i'll have something to do today.

=S

JoC was confused at 10:46 AM

-•- Wednesday, January 21, 2004

different terms

dream guy: as the word "dream" suggest, it's just a dream. not reality. so it wouldnt come true. which means, you will never get the guy. so might as well forget about it. or just keep dreaming.

perfect guy: as the saying goes, "nothing is perfect.", so it means you will never find the perfect guy. even if you do manage to find one that you think is perfect, it might not be so. cuz since he's perfect, he wouldnt know of your existance anyway. you might as well forget about it too. or keep hoping he will find you to be the perfect half too.

shy guy: if you are shy, and he's shy, forget it. cuz even if you both know of each other's existance, either one of you is too shy to make the first move. so it makes no difference whether you know each other not.

haha. this is so crap.

=)

JoC was confused at 11:37 PM

chinese new year eve

just got home from reunion dinner. the service was freaking slow i tell you. almost fell asleep while eating. it's another 50 minutes till lunar new year. hmm...

anyway, today's celebration wasnt as good as i thought it would be. the orientation concert was so much better. and to tell the truth, i think ny's chinese new year concert is better.

went back to rmps straight after school since ny had no school. i felt so old there cuz i was like the only jc person there. roamed a little before i saw chellie. then we found miss goh. jaz, pau and irene came later. this year so little people turned up. quite a disappointment.

the next stop was the coffeeshop, great world and finally miss goh's house. we actually helped spring clean her house. if mum knows, she would probably make noise. cuz i never help with the housework at home. haha.

miss goh and win make such a cute couple. haha. hearing them talk can really make you laugh. both are nice and funny people.

really gonna miss her when she leaves in march. not much reason left to visit rmps.

now that sound really mean. cuz i'm forgetting the other teachers. but that's not the point. the point is, the greatest teacher i ever known is not gonna be there anymore.

nvm. let's stop thinking about the sad things and think of the happy things! it's chinese new year!

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!

=)

JoC was confused at 11:25 PM

-•- Tuesday, January 20, 2004

appear. disappear.

i realise something. when i notice this certain guy, i will keep seeing him for that day. but after that one day, he would disappear. or appear once in a long time. hmmm. like the cute sailor senior. and the bookshop guy. and lets-guess-who. haha.

yep. i saw the bookshop guy again! he was the one wearing the white 'once a saint always a saint' on open house day. actually saw him around school a few times. but didnt know it was him, till i saw him behind the counter in the bookshop. but he didnt serve me. he was at the storeroom. sad.

let's describe him: he's tall. lean. cool hairstyle. looks good in uniform. hmm. has the quiet shy look. might look dao but he looks cute when he smiles.

ok. this entry on gushing is done. haha.

=D

JoC was confused at 11:08 PM

-•- Monday, January 19, 2004

it's not always my fault

it's not always my fault,
but you tell me it is.
you dont see both sides,
yet you're quick to comment.

i thought i could believe you to trust me,
but i guess i was wrong.
to think a friend so dear can doubt me so,
it really pains the heart.

i dont really care anymore,
i'm too tired to make my stand.
think all you want,
that one side show you see.

i just hope in time,
you'll realise the truth.
and tell me true and just,
"it's not always your fault."

=(

JoC was confused at 9:54 PM

touch rugby training 1

went for touch rugby training today. it was held in the rain! i like playing in the rain. hmm. but i better not fall sick tomorrow. tomorrow's temperature taking day. so if i have a fever, plus the cold and flu i already have... i'll be a SARs case already. haha.

anyway, we first started with ball handling. throwing and catching. then plus a little throwing and catching while jogging. then to end the training, we ran 2.4km. yes. it's a miracle i'm still alive and typing this. and i didnt even stop once! so proud of myself. i guess the rain helped. but ah, i still didnt do well. such a disappointment.

one realization: even though it's raining, you can still die of thirst. why? cuz i was like trying to "drink" the rain but only one or two pathetic drops landed on my tongue.

and since it's raining, and the pe shirts are white, it's like a free show for all. but i think the guys gain more. we had to run round the track right? then we will run past the hockey guys and the ruggers. it was like so weird that i just looked straight ahead. and the freaking hockey ball came at me twice. didnt bother to stop it for them though. i just jumped over it. haha.

was so wet that i decided to call dad to fetch me. wanted to find someone to take bus with me at first so i wouldnt feel that funny on board the bus. found ange but she said she wasnt going home yet. ok. so final solution was to call dad. haha.

oh oh! and the councilor, K, was so nice. he gave us his umbrella and walked in the rain. we saw him at the traffic light later. i think he was fetching people or something. so nice right?

the water got into the eyes and nose. it was freaky cold. and i must have looked like an idiot while running in the rain. but it was fun.

=)

JoC was confused at 9:39 PM

farewell to tiff

i didnt cry. but the others did. and chunky was our tissue dispenser. he said he didnt cry cuz "i'm manly." what's my reason? i dont know. perhaps it's cuz i'm not that close to her? it's weird seeing all of them cry while my eyes are dry. but still it's sad to see her leave. om outing would be different without her. and chunky was real sweet. he was the one who suggested us to say, "tiffy, we love you!"

yup. tiff left for australia yesterday. we went to the airport at 12.30pm to give her a small farewell party. we baked a chocolate cake and sewn a cushion thingy for her. it really didnt seem like she was leaving then. we were still having fun. reality only struck when she started hugging the people at the gate. she was the first to tear. it was understandable. gil was the next to cry. and soon the whole team, except me, were crying.

we waited till she disappeared from sight. she was really gone. after months of telling us she was leaving.

she's safe and sound at australia now. hope she will have fun in school.

sha's leaving on the first of feb too. why does everyone like leaving so much??

=(

JoC was confused at 9:16 PM

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