[ everything behind me seems so insignificant / lost in my confusion ]
- Kim Anderson's Works
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- OM
[ there are some things in this world you rely on, like a sure bet. and when they let you down, shifting from where you've carefully placed them, it shakes your faith, right where you stand. - "someone like you"]
Frustration. It's so hard to feel free. It's so hard not to feel trapped. Crying doesnt help anymore. Cuz the frustration would still be there. 
JoC was confused at 10:38 AM
more to come
it seems ages still i last blogged. i guess i just sort of lost interest in writing about everything. reading back my old entries, i think i was mad to blog a few times a day. i was more open in the past in my entries. i wonder when that changed.
anyway, the point of this entry is not to talk about the past entries.
i got what i thought i wanted. but now i wonder if i really wanted it.
Certain things got me thinking if i was really the best choice. I notice more things than people think i do. i look more into things than people think i will. It didnt help that i myself think that alvin could have been the better choice. sometimes i just feel inferior.
the silent one should stay in the background. that's not what a leader should be.
i look at myself. then i look at the people in front of me. can i make it? i dont know. perhaps i just need more confidence in myself.
i did it once, so i can do it again. right? right?
then again, i dont think i did a very good job last year either. but at least i did my best, right? i always do. and i hate it when people dont realise that and blame me when things go wrong.
i maintain my silence, pretending i hear nothing.
but i do hear what is said. i'm sorry it's not what you wanted and not what you expected. it's the way things have turned out.
i see the eyes filled with doubts staring back at me.
i'll try my best to work things through, to get over the one enemy that i should never have: myself.
maybe i'll get through my own thoughts. maybe i wont. but either way it goes, i will still do my best. since i have been given this task, i might as well make the best out of it. there's much i can learn. it's not the same as last year though. there's more demands that must be met. i only hope i can supply for the demand.
well, wish me all the best. i have a feeling i would really need it.
i really gotta start believing in myself.
=S
JoC was confused at 9:29 PM
